Gardening Dreams

The weather for central Texas has been amazing the last few weeks and I have been itching to plant in the garden.  I know it's still to early to plant most stuff, as there's still a slight chance we'll get another freeze this season.  I've spent the last couple weekends working in the garden, prepping and getting everything cleaned up.  I still have stuff I am harvesting from the fall, so I haven't been able to get in and till the beds yet, but I'm OK with that since it means we are still eating fresh veggies daily!!  See some pics from over the last couple weeks!

Chard, spinach, brussel sprouts, and eggs

Cabbage, still growing, have not picked this one yet

Purple Cauliflower, brussel sprouts and broccoli

Purple cauliflower as big as Whitney's head

I have been working on a garden binder, utilizing different resources and templates I found online.  I never thought I would have so much fun going through the seed catalogs and placing my orders.  Now I can't wait until they get here.  Today I'm gonna head over the The Natural Gardner and pick up some veggie plants to put in this weekend.  I'll take some pictures of the full garden and post soon.

My Testimony

I was baptized as an infant into the Methodist church. We probably attended regularly until I was about 5 or 6 (around the time my parents divorced). Then we became church goers only at the "important" times, Christmas and Easter. My mom remarried when I was 10 and that was when the holiday attendance pretty much ended. I remember a couple times in high school we went for Christmas Eve, but really I had no spirituality in my life growing up. In high school and college I claimed I was agnostic due to the fact that I really didn't understand anything about God and I guess really didn't care either. In my second year of college I had to take a religion course, I chose new testament as I thought I would be the easiest. I cried after the first class; I was embarrassed that I knew none of the stories or people that the professor was speaking about. Of course I'd heard the names of the disciples, but I didn't know what a disciple was, I was so unfamiliar with all the stuff that the class just seemed to know right off the top of their heads. Instead of this giving me determination to learn more and understand this foreign subject to me, I only closed myself off more and poo-poo'd the idea of a God and of Jesus being his son and just thought blah, blah, blah...what a bunch of s**t! I have always been a very open minded person, I support gay rights and I believe in the right to choose abortion, so to me, I couldn't be OK with these things and other things I support, and still believe in God. I sure didn't think that if there was a God that He would accept me this way. I stayed away from religious conversation's with people, as I didn't feel I had a good enough grasp on why I felt the way I felt (other than my ignorance of the subject). When I met my husband things began to change. He grew up Catholic one weekend (with his dad) and the other weekends, as well as weekdays and for school, he attended a non-denominational church with his mother. So he was a little screwed up on his feelings of church, but he did believe in God and he believed that Jesus died for the sins of all. But he really had (and still has) some church issues. When we first started dating, it was pretty much just accepted as something we didn't discuss because we didn't agree. Over the first couple years we got to where we could talk about it some, I would ask him questions about things and he would teach me about the bible, but I was not ready to accept it by any means, just trying to understand what it was the man I loved believed in. In 2004 I really started questioning life; I really couldn't understand why I had to go through each day, day in and day out, just to go on to the next. What was it all for, what was the point. I had been suicidal as a youth, and I wasn't to that point, but I was very depressed and really having a hard time coping with where my life was, mainly because I really felt like it was no where! That Christmas, I received the book by Rick Warren, The Purpose Driven Life. It sat on my night stand for a couple weeks and then I decided maybe I should read it. My husband and I talked about it and we agreed to read it together each night. After the first week, we began talking about possibly trying out church (all I remembered about church was it was BORING!!!); but I thought I didn't have anything to lose. My husband said he knew where we should start and pulled a business card from his wallet (obviously had been there a while). He told me the story: A little over a year prior when he was working as an appliance installer he met a man that was pastor of a church in town. Wyatt had really liked him and had carried his business card around for over a year figuring it might come in handy one day. I thought if there was ever a reason to try a church out than this was probably a good one. So the following Sunday we attended our first service at Capital Vineyard Church of Austin. The topic of that Sunday's service was "How do you know God exists", when I saw that I thought, "wow, I'm 2 for 2 here. If these aren't some pretty big signs that this is the right path for me, than I don't know what is". It turns out that the first Sunday we attended was the last Sunday at that location (the address from the business card) and had we waited another Sunday we may not have found them, as they went through a string of elementary school locations before settling again. The pastor was awesome, they handed out notes before church, kind of a fill in the blank thing, and as he gave his sermon they filled in the notes on the screen via a power point presentation. This was perfect for me, as I have a short attention span and a hard time keeping up with someone else's pace. I felt welcome from the minute I walked in. One of the things I remembered from church as a child was during the service they would ask all visitors and new people to stand up, I was so afraid they would do that, but they didn't and that was just another plus on my list of pro's and con's going on in my head. I cried during the service, cried like I had never cried before, I felt embarrassed because I didn't really understand why I was crying, but I also felt some relief, I felt like this was OK, that I really needed the release. I had so many emotions those first few months that i never knew existed, I had desires that i had never known before, a desire to learn more about God, a true yearning to soak in as much information as I could. After 6 months of attending church I knew that I needed and wanted to be baptized.  I knew that the baptism as I child was not sufficient enough for me to feel I had dedicated myself to God.  My oldest daughter, Catie and Wyatt (not my husband at the time) both wanted to be baptized as well and on August 29, 2004, our wonderful Pastor, baptized each of us, it was such an amazing experience and to get to share it with my daughter and husband means the world to me.

The pastor, Pastor Barry, married Wyatt and I in 2005, the Worship Team played at my wedding, the ceremony was amazing and very God centered, something I never imagined I would have; but am truly thankful everyday, that I found God before I got married. We stayed at that church for almost 4 years, Pastor Barry left after 3 1/2 years, this was difficult for my husband and I, in different ways. Pastor Barry and his wife had been my first Christian mentors, they were parental figures in my life, as well as dear friends.  They left shortly before Whitney was born, but Barry was back for some business the week that she was born and got to come to the hospital and pray over her and bless her. It was very special for me, as he was one of the first people we told we were pregnant. For my husband it was difficult as it brought back memories of church problems he went through in his youth. 
That was 4 years ago, we haven't gotten back to where we were at that time.  I tried out many churches on my own, after a year of not really going.  I finally found one that seemed to be the fit and Wyatt started attending with me.  We have not been good at attending regularly and there have been many Sunday mornings that the devil has come into our house and caused tension between Wyatt and I which ends in s not going to church, which I don't want for Whitney.  He is in a place I can't understand right now.  I am in a place I am trying to understand.  I feel as if I have desperately been struggling over the last year to allow God into my life completely.  Just recently I have looked back on where I have been and what I've been doing, I think I realized I have been trying to "PLAN" how to learn about God, how to give my life over to God, I've been looking for the perfect list to tell me how to do it, so I can have my "PLAN" ready.  I keep saying once I have all this figured out then I'll be ready.  What I realized, was I just keep putting it off.  I heard this song the other day, I'm sure I've heard it a dozen times, but a couple days ago is when it really sunk in and I had to ask myself, why am I waiting for tomorrow?

"Waiting for Tomorrow" Mandessa
Maybe tomorrow we'll start over
Maybe tomorrow I will finally change my ways
Said the same thing yesterday
Don't know why I'm so afraid
To let You in
To let You win
To let You have all of me
(Chorus)
Can't live my whole life wastin'
All the grace that I know You've given
'Cause you've made for so much more than
Sittin' on the sidelines
I don't wanna look back and wonder
If good enough could've been better
Every day's a day to start over
So, why am I waiting for tomorrow (x2)
Maybe today I'll start believin'
That You're mercy really is
As real as You say it is
It doesn't matter who I used to be
It only matters that I've been set free
You rescued me
You're changing me
Jesus take everything
(Chorus)
I'm making this my moment now
To grab the hand that's reachin down
To save me
You saved me
I'm making this my moment now
To grab the hand that's reachin down
To save me
You saved me
(Chorus)
I'm gonna grab the hand that's reachin down
And I'm not gonna wait until tomorrow
Oh, tomorrow 

2011...Glad it's over! 2012, let's make this year GREAT!!

2011 was one of the hardest years I've ever been through. So much changed with my family dynamic and relationships, things that are completely irreparable, things that have left me "motherless" and my youngest daughter without a grandma.
I never in my life imagined that someone who brought you into this world could do something so...so, reprehensible, so underhanded, so hurtful! And to think that I will never have my mother to turn to, and I have had to make the gut wrenching decision for my youngest daughter, to not allow a relationship with her grandmother. My oldest daughter is angry at me for making that choice, but she doesn't understand it all. How can I allow a woman who hurt her children continuously and has caused the same hurt to her granddaughters, to continue the pattern. If she won't stop it then I have to, right?? I have never had a super close relationship with any of my family. My mother and I were close until I had my oldest daughter and lived with her until she was 4 and then she has tried to control me every since. When I met my husband, is when I finally started becoming more dependent on myself and less on her. That is really where our relationship ended, we just kept up the facade for my kids relationship with her. Does she realize how bad the things she did really were? I don't think so, and I think that is one of the hardest things for me. Knowing that she will probably never feel any sort of regret for what she did. Always wondering why I had to act so harshly and just couldn't "get over it". She is a sweep it under the rug person for sure. But that's over and there is no reason to start a new year dwelling on things that cannot be changed. I have to forgive her, and I am working on that (but by no means does that mean I will allow her back in my life, nor will I even acknowledge my forgiveness to her, that is between me and God).
My oldest and I are where we are,I have to work on it from where it is, I have to accept that she will probably not change her decision (which I have accepted peace with it being her decision now and not something she was forced into by me), but I do know that we are getting better being around each other, and I know that she seems to wants to improve us and that is good. I have a lot of regrets about the past, she is a senior and can't wait to go away to school. I really wish she didn't want to run far so fast, part of it is natural, part of it is, well all that stuff you blame your mother for in therapy.
I am trying harder than ever to reach out to God and live my life as Jesus did. I have to figure out church and I have to pray for Wyatt. Things there have been so confusing and difficult too; I really just have to resolve to not get angry about it and not make it about me, even when I think I'm not.
Organizing my home, improving my sewing skills, work on house to sell next year, build relationship with my children (so they don't end up the way my mother and i have), build relationship with husband, build relationship with God, take quiet time daily, live more naturally and blog about it all a whole lot more. Those are some of the things for me to work on in 2012, I want to keep a positive attitude about it all and give God my troubles, because I can't handle them alone!!

Hope everyone has a fantastic 2012!!

A little about my life...

I figure I would spend a little time telling you about me. Yes, my few posts have given you an insight into some things I am interested in, but if you are reading this, you might want to know more. If you still want to know more after this, feel free to ask, I am pretty open about all things Shari. I was born and raised in Texas, but would love to move out of the state (hopefully we will in the next couple years). I have 2 older sisters and grew up with divorced parents, my mother remarried when I was 11. I was like most kids and our family was like most. No hidden secrets waiting behind closed doors or anything. I got kicked out when I was 18, told that as soon as I graduated, I was to be out, she actually gave me a couple weeks, as I had to wait for the apartment I was moving into to be ready. I feel she was somewhat justified in what she did, I lied to her about where I was and what I was doing and had parties at her house, but I must say, I was never in any sort of trouble with the police, I didn't have significant school issue's and I was scared enough of my mom, that it kept me on track for the most part. Moving out is kind of when my life changed drastically! I convinced a good friend that she would be much happier out of her house as well, so we set off on an adventure; it only lasted 6 months, then we both went back home. The only difference was, I went home pregnant, I was 19. I gave birth to my first daughter, Cathrynn, in August 1994. I had been dating her father on and off for several years (he was 5 years older than me). When I told him, he refused to believe she was his, I on the other hand had no doubts. He left town and later required blood tests to determine her paternity. He showed up at my door when she was 6 weeks (after receiving the results) wanting to see her. He is not the most dead beat dad around, but by no means has he been there for her; there is currently a lot of stuff going on right now with my older daughter and this info about her dad will help you understand some stuff later in another post I'm working on. She and I lived with my parents until she was 4; I have always been very thankful for my parents support during those years, I was able to complete my degree in 4 years and improve the life I could provide for myself and my daughter. After graduating from Sam Houston in '98, I moved to Austin and have been here every since. In '99 I met my husband (or was reacquainted with him). He is the cousin of one of my longest childhood friends (the one I moved in with after high school). I hadn't seen him since we were young and that night we hit it off pretty quickly. We were together for 5 years before he proposed and we married in Salado, TX under beautiful twinkling lights in front of our family and friends on April 2, 2005. It was an amazing night! We had a wonderful honeymoon to Vancouver, British Columbia. We never planned on having children together and took measures to prevent that, but God had other plans for us and in October of 2006 we found out we were going to have a baby. Whitney was born in May of 2007. We moved into our current home in Round Rock in June 2008. We love it here, but we do want to move to Colorado in the future. Our House:

My Girls:

Is Anyone Reading This?

Is anyone out there? If you are then I want to start by apologizing for not posting more often. I have several posts started, but the problem seems to be that I am not good at condensing; they are lengthy and I am working on editing because I know you didn't come here to read a novel. I love to write, although I haven't spent much time at it in many years. I have wanted to start a blog for a couple years, this year, with all that is going on, it seemed like the best place to release and share. I have so much that I want to write about, but I feel like I need to get things out in a certain order, some things need to come before others. But in the midst of that I want to share who I am becoming, who I have been and how I am learning to get there. I promise you that I will have another post up by tomorrow, a post about me that I have been working on, it will be a little on my history; trust me, you'll need a little background to understand once we get caught up to today. I will start by setting a goal of at least one post per week (I would like to post more than that and will try, but I have to pace myself, until I can get my editing skills up to par, as to not bore you with my ramblings). Any questions you have are always welcome! Have a great day!!

Friendship

I recently read a blog post about friendship and it got me thinking yet again about my friends. I've never really had a large group of friends and other then my husband I would say I really only have one good friend and unfortunately she lives 3 hours away and I only see her about 4 times a year.

(This is the only picture she would ever let me post on the internet.) She totally rocks and is always there for me. If I asked she would jump in her car to come be with me and I would do the same for her in a heartbeat, which I think is what real friendship is all about; an equal give and take (yes that really applies to all relationships, but I am specifically focusing on friendship now). I have found it difficult to find that in a person. I've often questioned whether or not I am worthy of someone who gives as much to the friendship as I do. As far as girlfriends go I always feel like I open myself up and I get back a fake friendship, someone who doesn't really listen or doesn't really share. I hate nothing more than to have an in-depth conversation with someone where we both open up and then at a later date the same conversation comes around and it's like they can't hardly remember anything I've shared. I know people are busy, I understand they have other things going on, so do I and I have a horrible memory, but I make it a point to listen and remember things when a person is speaking to me from their heart. My BF listens, she tells me her opinion honestly, she shares her feelings, but still she is so far away. I sometimes wish I had someone closer who I could call a friend, not just an acquaintance. There are girls I go to lunch with and I like, but they are connections from work or old school acquaintances; none seem to show any desire for a more real friendship. So is it me, do I really have nothing to offer? I am quite at first, I have trouble making small talk and am very self conscience about the things I say or do, so maybe that makes me seem more stand-offish. I am in constant fear of judgement by others.Yes, I know that God's judgement is the only one that matters, but I am human and I am flawed and I am still having trouble getting past this feeling. I am thankful for my husband as he really is my best friend, I am also thankful for my wonderful best friend in Houston. I may not have many friends, but the one I have couldn't be better.

PINTEREST - My New Interest

Do you know about Pinterest? If not you should go check it out. It is my new favorite website. Several years ago I started keeping a binder with all sorts of things I had found in magazines or online, so I could look back and reference them later. That was a huge waste of paper and extremely time consuming, and not really easy to go back and quickly glance for something in particular you remember clipping out to save. So the binder quickly went to the wayside. Had I only been a little more creative and tech savvy, I could have come up with the idea for Pinterest, but alas, like so many other things in my life, somebody else beat me to it.

The easiest way to describe Pinterest is that it is a virtual notebook/binder of all those cool things you find out there on the web. How many of you are continually bookmarking sites, so you can come back later and look at that recipe, or those cool ideas they had for redecorating? If you are like me, you have a zillion bookmarks, which you usually don't label very well and then you never find what it is you thought you saved or just forget you saved it totally. Not with Pinterest, you can "pin" the picture from the page that you are specifically interested in, so that you can see exactly why you were saving it, and then it will always link you back to the place you found it. Plus you can see all the cool stuff other people are pinning.

You set up individual boards, labeled how ever you like, everything from recipes, DIY, home decor, fashion, favorite quotes...you name it, you can find someone pinning it on Pinterest. I have 22 boards, with a total of 87 pins, I would say it is my new internet addiction. I have boards for sewing, crafts, fitness, tattoo's, art...well, here's a link to my Pinterest, feel free to check it out, Follow Me at Pinterest.

Location:Round Rock,United States