Friendship

I recently read a blog post about friendship and it got me thinking yet again about my friends. I've never really had a large group of friends and other then my husband I would say I really only have one good friend and unfortunately she lives 3 hours away and I only see her about 4 times a year.

(This is the only picture she would ever let me post on the internet.) She totally rocks and is always there for me. If I asked she would jump in her car to come be with me and I would do the same for her in a heartbeat, which I think is what real friendship is all about; an equal give and take (yes that really applies to all relationships, but I am specifically focusing on friendship now). I have found it difficult to find that in a person. I've often questioned whether or not I am worthy of someone who gives as much to the friendship as I do. As far as girlfriends go I always feel like I open myself up and I get back a fake friendship, someone who doesn't really listen or doesn't really share. I hate nothing more than to have an in-depth conversation with someone where we both open up and then at a later date the same conversation comes around and it's like they can't hardly remember anything I've shared. I know people are busy, I understand they have other things going on, so do I and I have a horrible memory, but I make it a point to listen and remember things when a person is speaking to me from their heart. My BF listens, she tells me her opinion honestly, she shares her feelings, but still she is so far away. I sometimes wish I had someone closer who I could call a friend, not just an acquaintance. There are girls I go to lunch with and I like, but they are connections from work or old school acquaintances; none seem to show any desire for a more real friendship. So is it me, do I really have nothing to offer? I am quite at first, I have trouble making small talk and am very self conscience about the things I say or do, so maybe that makes me seem more stand-offish. I am in constant fear of judgement by others.Yes, I know that God's judgement is the only one that matters, but I am human and I am flawed and I am still having trouble getting past this feeling. I am thankful for my husband as he really is my best friend, I am also thankful for my wonderful best friend in Houston. I may not have many friends, but the one I have couldn't be better.